At one point in my life, I remember feeling helpless. I didn’t know what I could do for the person I loved to really help make them happy. There was a part of me that still wanted to give it my all, and a part that felt that everything I gave was never good enough. This painful feeling was fed by feedback from my own mirror: lack of confidence and low self-esteem.
The violence of this injunction – to contribute in the most wonderful way possible to the happiness of the other – produced exactly the opposite effect. The urge to take care, to positively nurture the relationship, found itself supplanted by the insecurity that the confusion I was in gave me.
Realizing that I had no power over how other people might feel, also took a little time. I accept it. Cultivating violence against oneself only serves to repeat the same mistakes, to entrench them.
If I have mourned this relationship, if today I welcome this failure positively, it is not because I denied the suffering of having lost this loved one, but on the contrary because I connected with what made it so often unsustainable. By taking the measure of what really made sense, what was truly precious to me in this relationship, and which has never left me, I was able to forgive and mend myself. Beyond time, I welcome the power of love, this fabulous energy that vibrates again and again.
When I return to the source of my limitations, the energy of transformation, of evolution that I feel is much more satisfying and powerful than that of denial. Connecting to what is alive, in connection, in deep harmony with my entire being, opens me up to new and more joyful opportunities.
So it goes to welcome the current absurdity that runs through our societies. What do I want to relate to? To fear, to lack, to anger?
Or, do I want to taste the sweetness of the aspirations with which I want to live without limits, without having to choose between one or the other?
If you now accept to play the game that I suggest to you, that of closing your eyes, of asking someone who is dear to you to read all these impulses of life, all these basic needs, listed below, – without being exhaustive, you are free to add your own – each one could feel in the depths of his flesh his love for life, this powerful link which restores us in our sovereignty. Take the time to breathe each word, find yours, live it intensely …
… Belonging, respect, authenticity, hope, honesty, compassion, love, free will, sense, protection, connection, participation, hope, warmth, accomplishment, inspiration, independence, interdependence, Curiosity, acceptance, gentleness, consideration, continuity, being in the flow of life, clarity, inspiration, trust, understanding, being recognized, growing, congruence, being accepted, shine, openness, being heard, hearing the other, legitimacy, contributing, recognition, spontaneity, dream, enriching life, dignity , laughter, recklessness, creativity, peace, justice, enthusiasm, gratitude…
Through this game, everyone connects to their superior being, their ability to embody a new reality. A vortex of fullness greater than the containment in which others aspire to contain us.
Haiku for joy of living
There are great days to be happy
A succession of small moments
We reveal to each other
I, you, he, she, we, you, they
Gratitude for the life that brings us together
Sophie Nougué, is a French author, Padi OWSI, Janzu & Wellness Therapist
Biarritz, Miramar beach, South of France